Divorce Culture

The Celebration of a Death

So we’re about to get uncomfortable with this one…at least I am.

I’m going to share a bit about my personal life that I never like to delve into: I have gone through a previous marriage and subsequent divorce.

I hate speaking about this topic and have, for the most part, kept it out of discussion in my social media stories, posts, articles, podcast interviews — pretty much everywhere. It’s a rarity that I bring it up, and there are 4 basic reasons why:

1. There were children involved. My ex has 2 kids from a previous marriage, and I never want to hurt them by anything I share or say regarding their father and our marriage. They are the victims in all of this, and I would never want them to hurt more than they already have.

2. It is absolutely disrespectful to Arbi and our marriage. I do not want to be known as someone’s ex-wife, but instead as the wife of an incredible man who provides for me, dotes over me, loves on me, and cherishes me the way he does. He is my blessing, and I will never disrespect him by discussing another man I was involved with. It’s tasteless, tacky, and extremely disrespectful.

3. I’m embarrassed by it. Forgiving myself was the hardest thing to do. I had to own the mistake I made and how many people’s lives I hurt from it. I still have moments, even now, where I think about the harm my immature, ill-advised, and selfish decision caused so many people. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I still apologize to God about it.

4. It is nothing to celebrate. Talking about it, sharing about it, and creating content about it only gives it life. I’m not trying to glorify divorce. It’s horrible and a slap in God’s face.

It’s really hard for me to watch the rise and glorification of divorce when I hold such contempt for the entire idea of it.

I call it the divorce culture.

Much like hook-up culture, I think divorce culture is just as vile. I cannot understand how people make their divorce announcements with glee — sometimes in celebration — on social media or even build platforms from it.

There is no joy in breaking a sacred and cherished sacrament. Another personal piece of information for you: I was so ashamed of getting divorced that I originally filed for a legal separation. It pained me to know that I was going against God’s design, and I was willing to sacrifice a life in matrimony with someone else if it meant God would still be pleased with me.

This decision was also made during the time when I was coming out of a cult-like walk with God through my church. But once I was able to accept that my sin was also washed by His blood, and once my pastor gave me his blessing, I quickly changed my decision to a dissolution.

To Truly Know Divorce is to Understand Marriage

I think one of the biggest reasons we’ve become so casual about divorce is because we’ve forgotten what marriage actually is. We’ve reduced it to a legal contract the government oversees instead of the sacred covenant God blesses. A contract is built around rights, obligations, and exit clauses. A covenant is built around faithfulness. One can be dissolved with paperwork. The other tears apart something much deeper because two lives have become one before God.

When two people stand before God and say “I do,” they aren’t simply signing legal documents. They are making a promise that reaches beyond the courthouse. Marriage is where two families become intertwined, two lives become inseparable, and two people begin carrying one another’s burdens. Divorce doesn’t simply separate bank accounts or divide furniture. It attempts to separate what was designed to become one. Maybe that’s why even necessary divorces hurt so deeply. Something sacred has been broken.

That’s why I call it divorce culture. Divorce itself isn’t the culture. Sin has always existed. The culture is what we’ve built around it. We’ve transformed something that should be approached with grief into something marketed as empowerment, entertainment, and even personal branding. Somewhere along the way, marriage became about personal fulfillment instead of lifelong sacrifice, and divorce became the obvious solution whenever fulfillment faded.

Don’t get me wrong, I was relieved — I had good reason for my divorce. But I also had a lot of red flags that warned me about who I was making this commitment with, and I chose to ignore them. That’s completely on me, so in a way, I felt I didn’t “deserve” that divorce. This is where a lot of the forgiving took place for me.

But seeing people joyful and even encouraging divorce like it’s a part of life pains me so much.

What are we doing? What are we teaching our kids? Where is God in any of this? How is this helping our society?

Do you know what divorce does? It:

- Teaches our children that a promise means nothing

- Teaches our children God doesn’t matter

- Removes the fear of God

- Demands everyone around us to once again adjust to our choices

- Absolves you of accountability

- Creates a pattern of callousness

And before you start getting mad at me and telling me that sometimes there are biblical grounds for divorce or that it is a matter of life or death if someone doesn’t seek divorce (or an escape), I understand that. Of course, leave if you are being abused or if you’ve been cheated on. Get the hell out of there so quick and don’t look back.

What I have an issue with is the culture that celebrates casual divorce. The “it’s fine, there’s always divorce” attitude once the going gets a bit rough.

I’ve even heard some state that sometimes we need to go through one marriage to get the second one right.

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!?

Finding Your Clique (and Clicks) Through Social Media

This leads me to the piece of this whole culture that I am appalled by — and do I dare say that I find “cringe”: making divorce your brand.

To me, there is no single way to disrespect yourself more than to create a brand out of something so immoral.

My first reaction to these platforms is, “What about your children?”

Is that really what you want your kids to see you do — continuously discuss how incredible it is that you are removed from their father (and sometimes wife — but more often than not, it’s a female that does the showboating)?

And social media pours gasoline on the fire. Everything has become content. Weddings become content. Pregnancies become content. Babies become content. Now divorces become content too. The algorithms reward spectacle, not reverence. The more dramatic the announcement, the more attention it receives. And if your platform becomes centered around your divorce, you’re almost forced to keep feeding it because that’s what your audience came for.

My second reaction is, “Do you care that your new BF/husband has to hear you talk about your ex all day, every day?”

Unless you’re going to do a complete rebrand, you’re stuck. This is your schtick now. You want the following and the clicks–you’re going to have to continue producing content about divorce.

Divorce will be your theme forever.

How depressing.

Frankie Muniz recently caught some backlash for making his divorce announcement on Instagram.

If you don’t know, Muniz is most famously known for his leading role in Malcolm in the Middle. He is now a motorsports guy competing in NASCAR.

He first announced it with a video of his family dancing, seemingly celebrating the divorce. Because of the backlash, he deleted it and reposted this more subdued version:

His (ex)wife quickly came to his defense with a comment under the new post.

But like I tell all my young clients, the internet is forever. The original post made its rounds immediately (a bit of the Streisand effect here):

And again, look how they are programming their child to celebrate this death as well by including him in the dancing.

Of course, I am glad that the young boy isn’t feeling any pain — at least not now. But what we are doing to his brain (and spirit) is conditioning him to believe that divorce is not only an option, but a healthy one.

And don’t get me started on Muniz’s comment in his updated post about his wife giving up her dreams so he could pursue his:

“She put her own dreams on hold so I could chase mine, and she was always my biggest supporter.”

Why isn’t her dream to be a wife and raise her child? Shouldn’t that be the ultimate dream and goal? It’s insinuating that you can’t have dreams if you’re married. Incredibly misleading and cruel to suggest that wives’ and moms’ dreams are shattered once they say “I do” and pop out some babies to fulfill their genetically coded design.

Michael Knowles took to X and said it completely right — we are forced to accept that divorce is something to be celebrated, and there’s something wrong with us when we see it as an actual time to grieve a death.

Normalizing Gone Wrong

I’m saddened to see this culture become so normalized. I’m disgusted seeing other women cheer their friends on for leaving a man who didn’t live up to the dream they had for him as a husband. And what I’m most frustrated about is the lack of responsibility in picking this so-called deadbeat of a husband. What does that say about you, actually?

Honestly, we need to move away from normalizing divorce and bring back a little dose of shame. We need to own our mistakes and take accountability. We need to recognize that maybe — just maybe — our brains, our upbringing and our culture haven’t fully prepared us for “till death do us part” and we need to pause before we alter the trajectory of not only our own morality but the moral development of our children.

Make better choices, people. And please, for the love of God (literally) don’t celebrate a death.